Extra Baggage

Within seconds of pulling in my garage from grocery shopping the other day, Uncle Weldon pulled up and asked if I was interested in milking his goat. After a brief pause on my side, I asked for further clarification because I had no clue what he was talking about.

As it turns out, one of his mama goats kidded this past weekend. She had a stillborn and the second died the following day. She was totally engorged and he wasn't up to milking her - apparently that's where I come in.

I thought: what the hell, not like I haven't done it before.

I let Weldon know that I would take her for awhile to see how things go. He started to hmmm and haa around while kicking the dirt and then he brought up the fact that he didn't have a truck to haul her in. Aah. Again, this is where I come in.

I take the boys over to my neighbors, load up Weldon, and head out.

When we pull around to his barn he informs me that he has gout and didn't know whether or not he'd be able to catch her OR put her in the truck. Yes again, in I step to take care of business. At this point I'm kind of thinking that he had this planned out the whole time...

Once I get the old gal lifted into the truck, I jump in with her and off we head back to the B&M Farm.

I didn't ask Uncle Weldon what her name is so I've just been calling her Mama - which seems a little cruel since she in fact is not a mama cause her kids died. Hmmm, maybe I should think of something else. Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe I shouldn't care...

Anyway, to the farm she came and was put in a corral with her sister - Lia. Everyone seems to get along fine and there haven't been any escape attempts thus far.

That evening I headed out to do my chores and brought the milking bucket. As mention before, she was totally engorged and I was nervous about touching her in fear of an explosion.

Now seems like an appropriate time to bring up the importance of teat size when it comes to milking a goat. You want a big bag and a nice full teat - one that fills up your hand. This way you can get a good grip and really fill a bucket. Too small and it's too much work.

And too small is just what Mama has. I ended up milking her with my index finger and thumb - picture Ben Stiller mimicking milking his cat - that's what I had to do.

I wasn't able to empty her due to the slow flow, dogs chasing the chickens around my feet, and my boys screaming to go back to the house.

No, we did not use the milk. Didn't get enough to do much with but the dogs were happy.

So the plan is to let Mama dry out and stick her back in the pen with Goliath to get bred for her next batch (they can have babies every 5 months!). Then I'll drag her back in the truck and return her to her rightful owner. Secretly I'm hoping that Uncle Weldon decides he doesn't want her anymore and lets me have her...